Kurai

Lately, more frequently these thoughts come again. Wondering why and why bother. Yet so much more. Though no true meaning arises to explain or excuse them. Looking out into the world I see no use for but don't but do want to leave, I wonder. Besides the changes I knew were to come, though I was unsure of the when and whom. Can't help but ponder like usual when I get in this state "what now?" I know not of regular feelings and question what I have felt, if it ever was something. I feel I am reverting. Not sure if what was tried before could work or seemingly work, if I made that effort. I see twos everywhere. Unless it understandable to be one. But I think I get it. Though looking through the glass looks enjoyable, it is not what was to be. Maybe. I've paid witness to the destruction of my wavering will. Burning down passages before or as soon as they appear. Just to expect, yes expect. The ending result surely to come, even if not now. Many wont get it. Sometimes I don't get it. If it changes I know this reality will have had been brought down. And if I miraculously survive to experience it well, maybe this will have been considered my now not so silent whine to the world. Maybe I can unearth what has been sprouted and spewed. To place elsewhere so that it may flourish and take shape. But I don't see it happening soon. And I know it is in jeopardy of dwindling away. Yet it matters little and greatly to me. Guess using the usual strategy of "one day at a time", should suffice for now..............Should.